DISTRACTIC TWO

Shakespeare said, all the world is a stage. Fine advice from the man who pioneered this second distractic. You can follow in the footsteps of the master, only your stage need not be the world just your cubicle. We all know Shakespeare was a company actor who took credit for plays written by a charlady from Islington. This distractic requires all your De niro-esque acting chops. No one said shirking work would be easy.

Distratic Two: act as if you are under constant pressure and very likely on the verge of psychological and/or physical collapse. You should have a mantra and it should be something like, “Oh man, what a day, we were so busy. I didn't think that I was going to get everything done.”

Say it again with me: “Oh man, what a day, we were so busy. I didn't think that I was going to get everything done.”

Say that a few more times... there, feel that, it is almost like you've done work! You probably actually feel a little tired.

Hint: keep a spray bottle in your desk drawer and spritz your face down so you look like you are sweating under the weight of your work load.

This will dissuade co-workers, lazy hacks like yourself, from trying to shift their work load on to you. Make sure you complain about all the other projects you are working on: real, imaginary or otherwise. Combine that with your mantra and sweaty brow and they will eventually slink off to try to dump their work on someone else.

Your typical interaction with a co-worker should leave them feeling so sorry for you that they may buy you lunch or even offer to give you a food rub. Though the true goal is to firmly established yourself with this distractic so they offer to take projects or tasks on for you. In this way you create a task wheel of which you are the hub. The beauty is you can agree to do things for the boss and then have one of your 'spokes' pick it up and do it for you. This is a great distractic because work actually gets done and it looks as if you are doing it. Hurray!

This distractic is used universally by upper management. Soon they may recognize you as one of their own and you'll be on your way to a corner office and 'doing lunch'. The only thing required of you now is to book a decent tee time. Congratulations, you have been promoted. Don't thank me, thank Shakespeare.