WOLVERINE

One of the first comics that I bought was Wolverine #1.

Wolverine is bad ass.

First off, he is a cool Canadian comic book superhero. If you are a 12 year old Canadian boy it is slim pickin's to find an awesome Canadian superhero. Captain Canuck doesn't conjure up the same rugged, tortured persona of Wolverine. He is kind of like the Canadian Superman. Yes, he is good. Yes, he's a nice guy, he has all those qualities that you would hope a real-life superhero would possess, but he is sort of a dork.

Second, I don't care what you nerds out there say Wolverine is hands down the coolest X-man. Sure, those other X-men are complex characters with amazing powers, but they can not hold a candle, or an incendiary device of any kind, to Wolverine in the coolness department.

So, why have the Wolverine movies been so disappointing. They are not terrible. They are good popcorn movies, but they have failed to catch that certain something. Hugh Jackman is not the problem. That guy is Wolverine to his hard bitten core. He captures Wolverine perfectly. On the big screen you could not hope for a better knuckle blade swinging, gravelly voiced, oh, so coiffed dude.

How can Bryan Singer or Gavin Hood or whatever novice film director they want to helm the picture, how can he, or she (Kathryn Bigelow?), make it better?

It has to be Wolverine: The Musical.

Has anyone seen Hugh Jackman dance? That guy is an amazing dancer and dancing well = bad ass. I want to see him shimmy his way down an alley was tapping his nine inch claws to the rhythm of Nine Inch Nails just before he disembowels a couple of thugs.

Fans (re: nerds) might say that no one would believe it. How would you make it credible? People you are watching a movie about mutants who do battle with evil, mutants with special powers, some of whom are aliens from a distant planet and wear green tights. What would a few song and dance numbers be? Surely you can suspend your disbelief to encompass that. And did I mention that Hugh Jackman can dance like a Mo'Fo'. Look, no one watches Sharks and Jets battle it out and thinks to themselves, hmm, gangs of barely literate thugs singing to each other before they pull out switch blades; ridiculious. Sure all the nerds would be up in arms. They would think that it was ridiculous. They would be angry that Wolverine would be tap dancing. But those guys have never seen Christopher Walken tap it out in Pennies From Heaven. Again, dancing well = bad ass.

A tap dancing Wolverine, they would be cheering in the aisles of the theatre. Finally an X-men movie you can see with your grandmother.